Mothering our boys comes naturally to me. They're fun, sweet, energetic and so far they think Chris and I are pretty neat. I always knew I'd be a parent. I assumed I'd have at least one boy and one girl, with a bonus kid or two.
Growing up, I projected my own feelings on a future daughter. I had a difficult time understanding that my parents and grandparents didn't think about me while they were young... before I existed. One of the reason's I kept journals was so that my daughter could someday read them and know I understood exactly how she was feeling. I kept special dresses from my childhood and teenage years. I saw pictures of my mom and grandmothers in their pretty dresses as young girls and was saddened that they didn't save them for me. How could they get rid of such gorgeous gowns that I would have LOVED to wear while playing "dress-up"? I saved dresses for the daughter I assumed I'd have. So she would feel understood, and know she was thought of prior to her arrival. I saved dolls and stuffed animals too. I still have everything. The journals, the dresses, and the dolls.
I wrote in one of my journals, "When I grow up, I'm going to let my daughter watch Battle of the Network Stars, even if it's a school night, because I know she'll really want to, and she'll still be able to get up in the morning for school. Mom and Dad are so mean."
It was important for me to prepare for... her.
As I've connected with friends on Facebook, one of the best parts is seeing photographs of everyone's families. We all put our best, most attractive, smiling faces on display - Look at me! Look at my wonderful marriage! Look at my cool single life! Look at my beautiful kids! - recognizing the reality is that we all have ups and downs, bumps in the road, and a few unattractive days. There's not usually a camera documenting those times. So, we see the happy and the fun. And... the BEAUTIFUL LITTLE GIRLS that EVERYONE has!
I adore our sons. Our family is complete and I love the novelty of being the only female in our house. Makes me feel special. I won't have a daughter. It's okay. I'm able to talk with girlfriends about their relationships with their daughters, and befriend many, many young girls.
Yesterday a package arrived while I was reflecting on the photos of friends' beautiful daughters on Facebook, and the lack of estrogen in our home. The package was from Cheri at Blog This Mom. She had already shipped me a Snuggie after reading about my fascination with them. Cheri's daughter, Laura, shares the same fascination and received one for her 9th birthday.
I couldn't imagine what was in the new package. It was an American Girl DVD! [Thank you Cheri! For everything.] After reading my "February 1978" post, Cheri sent me Chrissa Stands Strong.
"Meet Chrissa Maxwell. She and her family have just moved, and Chrissa has to start at a new school mid-year. Will she fit in? Can she find new friends?..."
I haven't watched it yet, but I intend to. With the boys. Cheri said so. Which means, our family will be watching An American Girl: Chrissa Stands Strong one evening this week.
In the meantime, I thought Mary would enjoy reading one of my childhood journals. Here she is, comfortably wrapped in the Snuggie, moved by the fact that I documented feelings 35 years ago on her behalf, and excited to watch our new chick flick.