I chose to have braces put on my teeth two years ago. Just in time for my 25th high school reunion. Neato.
One friend commented that braces would give me plenty of blog fodder. But there wasn't much to say about them after the initial post introducing my new accessory. I carried Ortho Wax and knew which neighborhood kids to call when I ran out. My teeth ached occasionally and Mother asked, "When do you get those off?" EVERY time she saw me.
My braces seemed more visually intense than other mouthfuls I've seen. Maybe it was because I selected traditional silver, wore power chains most months, or have small teeth. Regardless, I felt like I looked like Jaws in the James Bond movies.
I met a little boy named Albert in an Anaheim laundromat last March. We were in California for a family vacation and I needed to wash clothes. Four-year-old Albert asked me for money and mints that night while his mother and I did our laundry next to one another. I gave him both as his mom said, "Albert! Eso no es amable." That's not polite.
He was round and dimpled. The plump kind of child that I was certain would pop if I stuck a pin in him. But I fell in love with Albert after he took one look at my smile and said, "Nice grill."
My braces finally came off in November. I apologize to my Facebook friends who have already seen the following photo, but I promised Gabi With An Eye a sans braces shot in this post.
So there you go. It took me a few weeks to get used to my new teeth. I felt like I looked strange and radically different. Like when someone Photoshops big teeth on an animal or small child.
Recently, I purchased two new pairs of glasses. One pair has progressive lenses. I get motion sick easily and I'd heard that adjusting to no-line bifocals can make a person nauseous. I figured the larger the lens, the smoother the adjustment.
My theory worked. A little vertigo for the first few hours, but the bifocal sweet spot is small compared to the large distance lens. I adapted quickly. Only now it doesn't matter that I'm not wearing braces, because I look like the smart turtle in children's books.